Al: you know, Bobby, I would show you an educational film on the
subject that I already showed you, but based on your recent behavior,
I think there's another film you should watch.
Announcer: What are manners? Manners are the rules we all live by
that keep us from beating the living daylights out of each other.
When Mary goes over to visit her friend Sally, and Sally tells her
that she smells funny, that's not very good manners, is it? No. And
it's liable to hurt her manners, too.
What would a good host do? A polite host wears a sweater identical
to the one his friend is wearing. That makes his guest feel at ease.
What other ways can we be courteous? Well, when you attend a school
assembly and you have to sit through a boring puppet show, don't
talk. Don't say a word. Just act like it's the funniest thing you've
ever seen in your life. Then get up and leave quickly before they do
When eating in restaurants, remember: the left fork is for
the salad, the middle fork is for the main course, and the last fork
is for defending yourself against rabid wolverines.
And most importantly, always remember those three magic words:
please, thanks, and uvula. Try repeating these helpful phrases after
me. "Please move, you're standing on my neck." "Thanks so much for
the giant bag of goat droppings." "My, but you have a lovely uvula."
I hope these little handy hints will help you to mind your manners.